Is dating safe?
- Rabea
- Jun 23, 2018
- 5 min read
Updated: Mar 31, 2020
“Every eleven minutes we lose members… and we lose them in pairs” is a slogan of a famous swiss dating platform. Sounds promising, but when you listen to the news, probably nobody falls in love anymore. Rather getting drugged in a club and rapped seems to be a daily phenome now a day. The world became cruel. Really?
I personally suck in sitting in a bar alone, having a drink and either wait for somebody to talk to me or proactively approach somebody. I feel incredibly lost in that situation and the assumption that I probably make a fool out of myself is constantly buzzing in my mind. Due to that, years ago I discovered for myself online dating. You have a basic set of information, can take time for decisions, chat a little bit. But there are so many clichés around online dating. Only nerds use the platforms, lost souls that will never survive in nature. Those guys who look okay are only interested in a one-night-stand. And they are all criminals! When I talk with my dad about online dating, we run every time into the same, tiring safety discussion.
But let’s be honest: what way of dating is the safest? Sitting in a bar and getting drugged or dating a nerd online and having a stalker for the rest of my life? Let’s look at a few facts and clean up the myths.
Online/mobile dating is growing. After mutual acquaintance and finding somebody through work, it is on position three globally to find a partner. There are more than just criminals and nerds online.
The industry is bigger than the porn industry. Strongest market is China with $140mil, followed by US with $40mil revenue. Based on Forbes, there are more than 8000 companies involved.
10% of the users are registered as sex offenders. But the bigger risk: 33% of woman have sex at the first date and 80% out of them do not use protection.
Only 24% of woman trust their date at the first meeting. Odd, right? Ladies – so you sleep with somebody you don’t trust? Seriously?
17% of marriages started with online dating. The process is much faster: 18 months is the average timeline between getting to know and marriage. In real life it’s 42 months.
Online, and mobile especially, dating is addictive. Once you are used to swipe left and right, you are stuck to it. 90% of users can’t stop. They look in average at 20 profiles a day! I even didn’t know there are so many potential singles around. Wow.
You are all probably sitting there now, convinced and confirmed the only clever way to date is in real life. Let’s look at some stats for the real-life scenario.
Abuse is a happening, everywhere, anytime. 1 in 11 women confirm they are physically abused in their relationship. 1 out of 3 is even sexually abused. This is a far too high number to get referred to online dates only. On top you have the numerous woman who get emotionally abused. This includes behaviors like extreme jealousy, mood swings, isolation, possessiveness. This is nothing a woman should have to endure.
90% of abuse is done through somebody we know. It’s not the guy you meet at the first or second date.
To find you perfect match in a bar is nearly impossible. GQ published a useful article about it. They state that finding true love in London during a night out is 500 times less likely than finding intelligent life in universe.
So, what to do? Giving up finding your match and rather talking about the good old days? Depend on your friends who are hopefully brave enough to build a network, find a nice guy and connect you to him? NO! It can’t be, that we had centuries to fight for woman rights and are finally enough independent, connected and self-confident enough, but get scared by stories. But we should tackle the topic with a hint of realism and care about our safety. Online and real-life dating have both risks. “It will never happen to me” is never fully true independently which way you date. It is important to find the for you right way to meet a guy and be brave enough to do a first step. But what way ever you select, at least take care of your safety and don’t run in a dangerous situation blindly.
Here are behavioral guidelines to avoid risks:
When you do online dating, do your due diligence. Research the guy. No this is not stalking! Checking the social networks is to give you an idea who you talk to and if his story is true. Hint: the best is also to use a trustful dating platform. Some have verifications included or you have to pay a membership which makes catfishing less likely.
Catfishing is one of the biggest risks online. Think twice before sharing… no actually: here is no, really no reason to share financial information with somebody you never met. Or your address or naked pictures of yourself. If he insists on it, he is not worth it.
Meet with the person as quick as possible. Bring it to real life. As nice chatting can be, people lie ad they do it much better when you are not sitting in front of them. You want to know the truth, give it a try? Then meet.
For the first date: you pick the place! It should be easy accessible and in public. You need to take in consideration that it I not the dream date. So, having the possibility to leave at any time is important. Don’t drink too much. It’s your job to have the control and not depend on him.
To those who look for a one-night-stand: have fun, but damn use protection! You definitely don’t want a souvenir from the date that was never supposed to be a longer story than a few nice hours.
There are also nice apps around to increase your safety.
Bumble is a match making app that changed a few details to make dating safer and increase its credibility. You can clearer define your intention, e.g. if you are just looking for friends or a relationship. Woman always make the first step. You can avoid to get spammed by creepy people
Revolar is a widget and app combination. The GPS let’s your friends and family know where you are and with a simple button click you let them know you are safe home or need urgent support.
Guardian Circle is partner of the “Woman’s safety XPRIZE”. You define a group of guardians and send them amber alerts if required. When the guardians receive your customized message, they are automatically connected with each other, so your response team can talk to each other and help you quicker.
As an adult, it’s your own and primary responsibility to take care of yourself, not the one of your friends or family. Being careful might not be able to prevent you from everything, but from a lot. Be bold and speak up if you are in risk or don’t like anything. You deserve it!
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